Ever have one of those moments. . .

She looks so sweet and innocent, doesn't she? Don't let her fool you!

Have you ever had one of those moments where you REALLY wish you could crawl under a rock and die of embarrassment??? and/or pray that CPS is not going to come after you after your toddler made some comment that could be misinterpreted???


Well, as the mama of a three year old, it is bound to happen to me at SOME point! And the other day, it happened. I would like to say it was the only time I've been embarrassed by Hannah's comments in a public restroom, but alas. . .it is not (if you are still with me by the time I get to the end, I will share that little gem with you, as well).


Moving on. . .


I may never show may face in the JCPenney restroom ever again! Well, I might just have to wear different shoes next time, for as far as I know, the lady in the next stall probably only knows us as the weirdo with the black and silver sandals and pink nail polish (note to self, a pedicure is LONG overdue); and the OVERLY observant and vocal (read: LOUD) little girl with the pink sandals, sharing the very large stall next door. I avoided crossing paths with the woman in the restroom after the incident. At least I think I did? Who's to say the woman was not lurking behind the display of bedding outside the restroom, eager to catch a glimpse of the AWFUL mother of the sweet innocent child who said **_(this embarrassing blank is filled in below)____** in a public restroom!?!? I am pretty sure if I were in that woman's shoes I would've been curious, too! Er. Well, I mean, the Terra BEFORE having a toddler would've been curious! But since I now know how innocent little toddler minds work, and how WEIRD their innocent comments sound and how it may be misinterpreted by strangers since they are not fully privy to said toddler's mind like their mama is. . .


Anyway, now that I've totally lost you, let me back up and paint this very colorful picture for you. . .


Once upon time, I had the grand idea of having Hannah's portraits taken. She was such a doll! She smiled and laughed and posed so perfectly. Afterwards, I took her potty before we left for the long ride back home. Seemed like the right thing to do. We don't need any puddles in the car. Little did I know what Hannah had in store for me in that restroom.


Into the restroom we went. . .We were all alone. Thinking back, I wonder: Why, oh WHY couldn't Hannah have had the upcoming conversation BEFORE some poor unsuspecting lady entered the stall next to ours? I guess *someone* up there has a really BIG sense of humor. I probably deserved it. I am sure I embarrassed my mom a time or two in my life ;)


So right after the woman entered her stall, Hannah says (sounding very accusatory): "Mama, SOME people do not know how to wipe their fanny very well"
(Yikes! I hope the lady next door doesn't think Hannah is implying SHE doesn't know how to wipe???)
Me: "Well, I am pretty sure most people do."
Hannah: "NO! SOME people DONT know how to wipe so well!"
Me: " Well, I am sure some people are learning."
Hannah: "Like little kids?"
Me: "Yes, exactly!" (for a brief moment I felt relieved since I dodged a potentially embarrassing scenario!) And then. . .she dropped a bomb. . .I swear it was happening in slow motion. . .I heard the words come out of her mouth, and I wanted to grab them and shove them in my purse before anybody heard! But unfortunately for me, that is only possible on cartoons. . .


At the top of her lungs, in GRAND excitement, just as I was zipping up my pants and was turning to flush Hannah says:
"Mmmmmmmm! Mama! YOUR FANNY SMELLS GOOOOOOD!"


She looks at me all sweet and innocent with a cute smile across her face, waiting for my reaction and a thank you. *Blink *Blink *


Oh.My.Goodness.


WHAT!?!?! The HORROR!!!!


Did she really just yell to the world that my "fanny smells good"??? Yep. She did.


Did the lady next door hear that? Yep. She did.


Did the lady gasp in horror? Um, I think I heard her gasp!?!? Oh dear, the lady thinks Hannah smelled my fanny!


Was the comment still echoing through the whole bathroom? Yes, it was! In fact, I am pretty sure the clerk outside the bathroom probably heard her. . .and anyone within a 10 mile radius who is not hard of hearing, heard her! It was THAT loud! AHHHHHHH!!!!!


I was speechless. Does the lady next door think I made my daughter smell my fanny? Should I yell out to anyone who's attention was now directed at us and let them know that my daughter did NOT just smell *that*!?!?! That my daughter was nowhere NEAR *that* at any time relevant to her comment???


I frantically searched for a secret escape hatch that would lead us right to our car before anyone saw us! I looked for a window to climb out of. ANYTHING! I was picturing the lady next to us, picturing my poor daughter smelling *that*! Probably dialing child protective services from her cell phone, and whispering a description of my feet. . .


Let me assure you, Hannah was nowhere NEAR me at the time she said it! She was on the opposite side of the very LARGE and spacious stall! I have NO CLUE why she chose to tell me that *that* smells good! Thanks, Hannah. Really. Thank you for the compliment. Mommy loves compliments and I like to smell good! But I can certainly go the rest of my life never hearing those words out of your mouth ever again, and be perfectly content. Really. LOL


I dropped the subject, ran out of the stall, quickly washed our hands and ran out of there. No need to come face to face with the woman who thinks I am raising a fanny sniffer! (I thought only dogs do that?)


Why did she say that? The only thing I can think of, is lately Hannah has been telling me I smell good, or my arm smells like strawberries, or my hair smells like candy, or my clothes smell like flowers. Perhaps she figured that was one base she had not covered yet, and wanted to be sure I knew that she thought ALL of me smells good! Bless her heart. She tried to compliment me! But dear me, she chose the WRONG setting to try THAT compliment on for size!


Now I can add that incident to the time Hannah proclaimed to the whole bathroom at a restaurant that the lady next door was tooting REALLY LOUD; repeatedly commenting that "somethin' smells! Mama, what is that SMELL!?!?!" "What is all that NOISE, Mama? Why is that lady tooting so loud?" All despite my begging and pleading that she please whisper! Yep, another glorious time where we had to scurry out of a restroom before coming face to face with the poor lady in the stall next door.

Welcome to Mamahood! :)

Please, remember this story the next time you judge a mama in the stall next to you in the restroom!

I know now that I am never safe. I anticipate being misunderstood and embarrassed at all times. But I wouldn't trade one second of my time with my daughter for anything in the world :) Embarrassing, misunderstood moments, and all :)